I was sitting in my office yesterday wondering if my angry cramping uterus was actually attempting to escape my body when my co-worker appeared at the door with her three-month old daughter. As I was holding the little lovely lady my cramps instantly stopped. I turned the baby back over to her mom and the cramps returned immediately. I texted you with great humor about what had happened and you made a joke about how it was a sign that I was ready to have babies of my own, ready to have babies with you.
I have worked with children my whole life. They love me, proven fact. I love them, proven fact. I have not meet a child yet who does not find me completely approachable upon first meeting and within minutes I become their new favorite play friend. But, I question if I will be a good mother. If I have the love, courage, and patience for such an enormous responsibility. Would I be able to provide emotionally, spiritually, and physically? I worry that my extreme lack of self-confidence and short toes will be passed on along somehow either through DNA or the signing of adoption papers. Or that I would crack under the pressure of trying to balance an infant, a partner, my job, our larger families, our friends, my volunteer work, and finding time to shower. And, there is no internship for motherhood. Just a very large trial by error, and I never want to make an error when it comes to children.
I don’t know what is worse, the cranky uterus or the head spin your joke caused.