Guilt > Drive

Dear Butch,

I am a very ambitious woman.  It is both a great strength and weakness in my character.  I set high expectations and goals for myself and then achieve them with a driving force.  It is like mountain climbing, all of the thrill and adventure, but on the mean city streets.  I always want to be challenging myself (in all aspects of my life)  in order to grow as an individual and contribute to the world I am so lucky to live in.

Where it comes as a weakness is wanting the person I am dating to be on the same level as I am when it comes to a love of zeal.  I want to be with someone who “seeks out” while opposed to “responds to”.  There is nothing wrong with this kind of lifestyle and there are many times when I envy it.  However, when I do end up dating someone without the same volume of fervour as I have, I feel extremely guilty for setting expectations on them.  Expectations to be a “go-getter” and one who wants to be more than what society tells them they should be.

Maybe I am just a  bad person to date.  Maybe I am setting myself up for failure by desiring drive in  my partner.  Maybe I deserve to feel guilty for not appreciating another point of view.




4 thoughts on “Guilt > Drive

  1. Guilt > Drive. Hmmm, interesting. Just a few things to consider gently dear Femme (if I may). You are ambitious, fantastic!! – there is nothing sexier than a woman who is intelligent, articulate, strong and feminine (notice I didn’t say tough). I wonder though, are you setting YOURSELF up for failure? or are you setting THEM up for failure by setting standards or expectations they can’t possibly meet? Or both?
    Please don’t ever feel guilty for wanting more or expecting more or wanting to suck the absolute life out of life – that’s what it’s about. Just consider how you can nurture and empower another with zest, leadership and the confidence to match your ambition. It can be intimidating but done the right way it can also be contagious – it’s all about trust. We go weak at the knees to a strong Femme, and are likely to do whatever you want just to see you in your world conquering mode. Use your power for good by trusting those around you to lead and they’ll get better at it. We’re worried you’re not going to follow us so we’ll minimise ourselves just to be within range of your sweet perfume.

  2. It is true that there is Something sexy about a strong, driven, independent woman. With that said I’m all for helping or pushing my partner to achieve their goals that they WANT to reach but as for me if I don’t want more than what I’m getting out of life then you pushing me will definetly piss me off and leave me with a feeling of I’m not good enough. Being from the deep south my options are pretty limited. I know I’ll never be a CEO of any company and I’m cool with that. I enjoy working hard and being a provider. I take pride in my work ethic and if my partner pushed me to be something more knowing I’m happy with my life then I would resent them for that. But now hell if your dating a bum that sits on their ass all day then yeah light a fire to thier ass. PS your sense of humor is aces!!! -Idgie

  3. Knowing what you want in a partner can only be a good thing–then you don’t settle for less and become disillusioned or frustrated in the long run. Wanting an ambitious, supportive butch? Sounds right to me…

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