Goodbye “Frenchman”

Dear Butch,

I now understand the feeling of being so unhappy in a relationship that you just have to end it.  Even though you know it will cause pain to someone you care about.  It is probably one of the worst emotions feelings I have ever felt, right behind having my heart-broken.

Fuck, I am so selfish.

I am a caregiver, a protector, and a people pleaser.  I have been in dozens upon dozens of relationships of varying degrees of seriousness, but never have I been the one to end it.

All of that has changed.  I ended my relationship with the “Frenchman”.  It was nothing he did wrong, we just didn’t work and he agreed.  We are in different places in our lives and as the relationship turned from a fling to something with titles, those differences became so apparent to me.  He is such a wonderful, caring, funny, supportive, and attractive man and I hope that we can remain friends.  I hope he doesn’t hate me even though he has every right to.  And if he doesn’t, I have enough self-hate right now to make up for it.

I am such an asshole jerk.




3 thoughts on “Goodbye “Frenchman”

  1. Doing the leaving can sometimes be harder than being left. It sounds harsh to say that but it is a very difficult thing to do. Self-hate? No need to go there dear Femme. This is a necessary strengthening of your inner self for the journey ahead. Take care.

  2. I am often the ender and while having my heart broken was devastating in a different way, recognizing the need to leave and following through on it is a whole different kind of pain. It takes strength and bravery to recognize that you must care for your own femme heart first. You only have yourself, in the end, you *do* have to take care of you. And I am a caregiver, too- this remains my hardest lesson. But staying where you are unhappy just depletes you 😦

  3. Aww that sucks. But if you weren’t happy, inevitable they would have felt it, and would have been unhappy also. You can’t live your life for someone else, no matter how badly you may want to. Relationships are hard, and breakups suck horribly for both parties. Always have, always will. But go you for looking after yourself. It’s important, even when it makes you feel like a jerk. I agree with the above, “staying where you are unhappy just depletes you” – you did what you had to do. Don’t self-hate too much. :/

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