I now understand the feeling of being so unhappy in a relationship that you just have to end it. Even though you know it will cause pain to someone you care about. It is probably one of the worst emotions feelings I have ever felt, right behind having my heart-broken.
Fuck, I am so selfish.
I am a caregiver, a protector, and a people pleaser. I have been in dozens upon dozens of relationships of varying degrees of seriousness, but never have I been the one to end it.
All of that has changed. I ended my relationship with the “Frenchman”. It was nothing he did wrong, we just didn’t work and he agreed. We are in different places in our lives and as the relationship turned from a fling to something with titles, those differences became so apparent to me. He is such a wonderful, caring, funny, supportive, and attractive man and I hope that we can remain friends. I hope he doesn’t hate me even though he has every right to. And if he doesn’t, I have enough self-hate right now to make up for it.
I am such an asshole jerk.