I have a secret to tell you. A pretty big secret. So gather in close and I will whisper it in your ear. Ready?
Pleated pants look horrible on everyone.
Yes, it is true. Sorry if I have broken your lovely butch heart. But I thought it was better coming from me, a sweet and kind femme, then from a trashy fashion magazine.
I know that pleats are advertised to help hide troubled spots on your body. But, in fact, they only emphasis them. You will look much slimmer, younger, and sexier in a pair of flat front pants then in any item with pleating. Yes, you may feel self-conscious at first without the wall of extra fabric in front of you. And yes, you made feel like flat front pants show more of your beer gut then what you would like. But, I promise you that there is life after pleats. That a great pair of non-pleated pants will do wonders for you at that bar versus pleated pants. Pleats read old, frumpy, and “I have already given up on my sex life”. Not a message you want to be presenting to the world. Plus, for those who pack, a lovely dyke cock is hidden behind the curtain of material…and what is the point of packing if you can’t proudly display your bulge?
So I am going to ask you to go into your closet now and remove all pants that have pleating on them. Yes, every single pair. You will thank me later.