Jean Dreams

Dear Butch,

There is something about the right pair of jeans on a butch that makes my pants (yes, sometimes I wear pants) really fucking happy.  It is the ultimate item of clothing.  They can be dressed up or down.  Never go out of style.  And are constantly evolving.  However, it is easy to misstep in the wonderful world of denim.  That is where your favorite (hopefully) femme can assist you.  So open your jeans drawer and start applying my rules:

1. Keep it casually loose.  Not gangsta baggy or hipster tight.  I want to see just enough of your body shape and carefully tucked package.  No saggy jeans that require a hand to hold them up and no boxer brief camel toes.  Straight legged, boot cut, or slightly flared will always work.

2. Skip the heavily faded detail.  Whiskers look great on a bunny, not across your thighs.

3. Wear a belt.  I know, I have preached this one before.  And I am going to keep preaching it until you listen.  For extra credit points, add a sexy belt buckle and make sure it is poking out from under your fitted plaid/polo/v-neck shirt.  Or, if you are going for nerdy chic, skip the belt and rock a pair of suspenders and bow tie…yummy!

4. Cargo style looks great on work pants, but leave the extra pockets and hammer loop at home if you are going to wear jeans out to dinner or the club.  Keep the style simple.

5. Stick with a dark wash jean, ranging from a bit darker then medium to almost black.  And I know I am about to break a heart or two, but no light rinse or stone washed jeans please.  They died with the banana clip.

6. No Mom Jeans!  Even if you are a mother.

7. There is no reason to create an iron crease on the front of your jeans.  Reserve that laundry labor to business casual pants.

8.  Jean shorts only look good on a small sampling of the population.  Mainly children and the ladies in the Victoria Secret catalogue.

9. The single rolled long cuff on a straight leg dark wash jean is so hot.  Especially paired with a white t-shirt and a pair of Converse All-Stars.  Keep this in mind if you are seeking the 1950’s loving femme.

10. And lastly, know when it is NOT okay to wear jeans.  Most weddings.  Funerals.  Restaurants that require a two week in advance reservation.  Any event that your femme is wearing a dress that required months of shopping and stress induced dressing room breakdowns.

Love,

Femme

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