Family Ties

Dear Butch,

I have had just a single family of one of my (now ex) girlfriends know who I was in their daughters life and love me.  A stunning number considering the sheer volume of butches I have dated.  And knowing that they would no longer be in my life was almost as heartbreaking as the end of us.

It was so tough to lose such a supportive, caring, and loving family as hers.  Especially since at the time we were dating, I had come out to my own family and they were struggling with acceptance.  But, her family was top notch.  They took me right into the clan and let me know that they loved me, just the way I was.  I knew when her and I were no longer that I would be losing the family as well.  I wrote them a letter, thanking them for there warm hearts and open home.  To my surprise, I received a long letter back from my ex-girlfriend’s mother that I still cherish to this day.

As wonderful as the family is, when the relationship between you and your significant other ends, there must be acceptance that your relationship with them will most likely end as well.  Even if the breakup was a mutual agreement that the partnership was just no longer working anymore and all parties are at peace with the decision.   I had to recall (as will you) that without the connection of your now ex, this special group of people would have no connection to you.  That before the Thanksgiving or Fourth of July picnic she brought you to to meet the family, you were a perfect stranger.  You may have grown close with the family, to a point where they remember your birthday and your favorite type of tea, but they are not your family.  They, belong to her.  That they have been with her for decades and if sides are to be taken, you can be sure they won’t be behind you with pom poms in hand.  This doesn’t mean that they don’t still think about you or be concerned about your well-being, it just means that the ties have now been cut and it is time to move on.

My ex’s family and I still keep in touch through her, passing messages along about life and the adventures it brings us.  However, there are no more invites to holidays or cards in the mail celebrating my accomplishments.  And I still get a little teary-eyed when I think about how much I wanted them to be my in-laws.  But, I know that they will someday have a daughter-in-law who will adore them as I did.

I know it is rough, but it is time to let go.




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