Social Mess

Dear Butch,

Sometimes, most of the time, it is best to cool it on the social media contact for a bit after a breakup.  Because you know what you are going to do.  It is what we all do, secretly on our phone during dinner with friends or at work hidden behind a spreadsheet.  We check in on her.  The most recent ex.  We try to read into the status updates or ponder over who they were with at the places they checked in at.  We do it as some kind of self-punishment of breaking their hearts or seeking answers on how it all ended.  Or, for some stupid reason,  you have her password and have started to login as her.  You know it is wrong, and you swear you are going to stop.  And then you find a private conversation between her and a friend about you.  Ease dropping is so wrong, yet you are hooked.

You have to stop.  And if you don’t I am going to come right over and take all of your electronics that can access the internet.

For your sanity and for your well-being.  Really, I mean it.  It is probably the single worst thing you can do to yourself, well right behind suicide.  You need to make friends with the “Unfriend” button.  Now I know, “Unfriend” is a bit of a harsh term.  It gives the notion in social media that I (or you) no longer care about a certain individual.  In this case, an ex.  It doesn’t have to be a forever separation.  Just until you are stable enough to read that she is dating again without bursting into tears or drinking yourself stupid.  And then, once you are at that magic point, wait another month.

I understand that this may feel severe.  That you think social media is the safe way to remain friends without having those awkward moments as exs.  And it is, when the dust has settled.  When you are still tearing up when you hear the song you two claimed as “ours” in the car is not the time to have full access to her online photo gallery.  Like rubbing the salt in a wound, you are never going to heal by keeping the gapping hole in your heart open by being connected online.

Love yourself and her enough to block all access for a bit.




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