Head Spins

Dear Butch,

Our kinky fling started almost six months ago.  One fucked up night at the bar and a need for a good fuck has turned into something bigger.  It isn’t a relationship but it feels more then just a “friends with benefits” situation.  I have a key to your home.  And in that home I have toothbrush, cell phone charger, laundry detergent, specified side of the bed and the dining room table, shoe collection, and pint of ice cream.  Your dog greets me at the door and snuggles at my feet when we sleep.

Yet, we aren’t “together”.  Our friends refuse to acknowledge our constant protest when the call us a couple.  We plea and insist that we aren’t in a relationship, well kind of.  We have a relationship, but we aren’t in one.  Something so clear to us, but so confusing for the rest of the world.  Our world feels so grey in the world of the black and white.

And yet, after all this time and accumulation of my crap, my feelings for what I want with you has not changed.  I don’t want to be your girlfriend.  We wouldn’t work as a couple, at all.  And I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me for feeling this way.  My feelings are not out of pride or stubbornness, they are from my heart.  We wouldn’t work as a couple.  You drive me nuts at times, your little quirks and dramatic verbal pauses that drive me bananas.  And then there are my issues that I know you don’t want, the ones that come in the fancy baggage on the heels of my stilettos.

So, how long can we do this dance together before it implodes.  How long before the expiration date?  Do you worry that we are falling into a pattern that we will both regret later?




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s