I would like to inform you of a few basic gym policies. I understand that you are not a regular and I am pretty sure in a few months you will be long gone after you trade in your New Years Resolution for a blueberry scone. But for now, I will be polite and share my beloved gym with you. Plus, you are all kinds of handsome which increases my motivation to run a little longer or lift a few more reps. And in the spirit of kindness, please follow the below “unwritten” rules:
1. I appreciate your taste in late nineties gansta rap music, however I do not appreciate being able to hear it through my headphones. I am going to sound like an old lady, but turn that shit down. There is no reason that you need to turn up your iPod so loud that it blares through your headphones and invades my personal space.
2. You have a wonderful ass, you really do. But your ass, like mine, gets sweaty during a good workout. That is why the gym provides pre-moistened wipes and/or spray bottles with paper towels at each station. I wish that people who didn’t clean off their machines we zapped with a cattle prod, I really do. Please stop leaving your ass sweat behind and clean up your space.
3. In the locker room, there are mirrors. This are to be used to fix your hair or clothes pre or post workout. They are not to be used to watch the women get out of the showers around the corner. Yes, I have seen you do this. I am not sure if the gym realized the advantage it gave those looking in the mirror to see those getting out of the showers and fumbling with their towels, but it is a huge one. Not all women liked to be watched or looked at in the shower. Hot fantasy, yes. Creepy in reality, very possible.
4. When taking classes, please respect the instructors. They are here to teach and assist, not t try and show up. I understand your great strength and respect your sculpted body. However, projectile vomiting suggestions or trying to correct the instructors is annoying, rude, and egotistical. If you have something to add, please do it before or after class.
5. Stop calling me “Dude”. I am, without a doubt or double take, a lady. Learn my first name just give me a friendly head nod.