Low Libido

Dear Butch,

Sometimes a lady loses her mojo.  It can’t always be explained.  It just, slips away for a bit.  Blame it on stress, hormones, or internal struggles.  It just happens, even to us driven by lust.

I think the most important thing you should keep in mind, as you are laying in bed at night cuddling your lady instead of fucking her is that there is 90% chance that it isn’t your fault.  You didn’t do anything wrong or failed to do something right.  There is this mind trap that women (butches, femmes, in-betweens) get into, the self-blame game.  We (totally generalizing for our gender) assume that we have done something wrong and start to go through the recent past in our minds, playing it like a detective show.

Was it because I forgot to pick up tampons like she had asked me to last week?  Or was it the bad joke I made about her best friend while I was drunk at the bar?  Or, do I smell like garlic still from that pizza at lunch?!?

No.  No.  No.  Really, pinky swear.

The worst thing you can do is jump to conclusions out loud.  The best thing you can do is just ask gently and then listen.  Bring it up when the mood is calm.  Losing your libido, short or long term, is a sensitive topic.  Your lady knows that there is an issue and most likely feeling guilty for kindly turning down your sexual advances.  It isn’t fun for any party involved and the reasons for its temporary departure are, for the most part, incredibly difficult to discuss.  Don’t turn it into an integration, mention that you have noticed a difference and ask if there is anything she wants to talk about or if there is anything you can do.  Be prepared not to get the answer you are seeking right away.  In the mean time, offer acts of intimacy.  A foot massage, flowers sent to her work, a love letter tucked in her purse.  Remind her that you care, even if the kink has gone missing.

Hopefully she is worth the wait.




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