83 Texts

Dear Butch,

I spent today being pampered.  Nails painted, body massaged, and hair styled.  After a very busy winter I needed to shed a little stress and dead skin cells.  I was sitting next to your lady in the nail area, we both getting pedicures and struck up a conversation over polish trends.  It was lovely to chat with a fellow femme and we quickly became friends.  It is my understanding that you actually surprised you lady with a day at the spa.  She shared with me that you two were getting married in a few short weeks and that the final plans were causing her a load of stress.  And during this time apart, you were going to be running wedding errands.  The whole story delighted me, a butch caring for her anxious femme.  

Until you texted.  83 times in two hours.  Yes, I counted.

I know I appreciate a check-in or supportive text.  Something along the lines of “You deserve only the best.” or “I hope you are enjoying your afternoon.”.  A quick electronic note to show that you are thinking of your other half.  However, texting you lady about the trials and tribulations of your afternoon while she is supposed to be relaxing is not acceptable.  I don’t care how bad the traffic is, how packed the wedding aisle at the party store is, or how long you had to wait at the dry cleaners.  You sent your future wife away to relax, and by sending her negative toned texts is cheating her from enjoying the experience.

Yes, your lady could have turned down the volume or the phone off completely.  But, we all know that isn’t even a thought in the femme brain.  We (generically and stereotypically speaking) are the nurturing and caring kind.  You text, we answer.  You complain, we sympathize.  And you, 83 texts butch, knew this.  Which, (I suddenly feel like a lawyer) is exactly why you continued to text.  You were looking for a reaction and a little coddling.  And you got it, at the expense of your ladies nerves.  By the end of pedicure she was more wound up then when she first sat down.

Hold the bitching back for fucks sake you fucking douche bag,  And congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, you have a wonderful lady.

Love,

femme

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