One year, one month, and one day. That is how long we have been doing this dance. We started as fuck buddies and have drifted into a couple, without the official title.
We have slowly settled into a pattern, a familiarity. You have seen me during a twenty-four hour stomach flu and I have seen you ugly cry. You send me flowers at work that make the ladies in the office swoon with jealousy and I send you silly emails during the day that make you roll your eyes with an adorable grin plastered on your face.
To those around us, we are a couple in every sense of the word. And recently, we admitted to ourselves that we are a couple in some sense. We have been told that we are challenging the conventional and expected path laid before us. That there has been talk of frustrated feelings that we lack to acknowledge what we really are. These heart-felt opinions and truly loving thoughts from friends have left me confused, wondering if I am holding back emotions I am either not ready to admit or to scared to share. Or, am I so relationship “gun shy” from my last few failures that I am holding you back with a fully extended arm in order to protect my heart? Can we really keep going on like this, or will it all crumble apart? Am I keeping you at a distance for my own security? Do I fear that I am only good for you in the short-term, but will destroy you long-term? Am I only what you think you want in a partner?
I trust my friends, I fully listen to what they have to share, and respectfully honor their opinions. So, where do we go from here?