Sweater Sins

Dear Butch,

“Did I just walk into a Cosby Convention?!?”

That was my exact thought as I walked into a new and hip restaurant in my city this past weekend.  I was meeting a few friends for brunch, one of my favorite past times.  The air was slightly crisp and the leaves are just starting to turn a lovely shade of fire reds, dusty oranges, and golden yellow.  I was almost glidding down the sidewalk.  I was happily sore from a romp the night before and it was pay day.  I felt like I was in a movie, a sweet romantic comedy, while passing flower stands and little kids on skateboards.

And then my joyful visual orgasms died.

I opened the door to the restaurant, popular with the lesbian market, and saw the sea of bad sweaters.  No only were the colors displeasing, but the patterns almost caused me to become violently ill.  And these sweaters were no of the vintage variety, they were fresh and free of pilling or thrift shop scent.  No, these sweaters were new, and from my guess over-priced.

And before I am flooded with emails calling me a “Sweater Hater”, let me make it very clear that I am all for a good sweater.

Cardigans or pullovers.  Finest of wool or high tech blends.  Crew neck or v-neck.  Bring them all on.  But, may I suggest keeping it simple.  Pick out a great textured piece in a color that works well for your skin.  If you must go with a printed pattern, make it gentle on the eyes.  Remember that you are already dealing with one element, bulk.  Adding a violent swirl and square design or a blinding color palliate is going to turn a classic into a nightmare.

The best piece of advice I can offer when sweater shopping, if it looks like a piece of modern art walk away.




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