I never was the little girl who wanted a wedding. Instead of dressing up as a bride for Halloween, I would dress of famous female villains or politicians. In my young adult years I was pretty anti-marrigae (for myself, not others). As my friends were being great U-Haul lesbians, I was dodging commitment with grace.
Then, I grew into the idea. Not grew up to accept it, because some of my closest and most mature friends have no desire to marry. I was dating a woman who I could actually see spending the rest of my life with. The light didn’t pop on, but slowly rose like the sun. I warmed up the thought that someone could actually love me for the rest of my life. After the relationship ended, I thought those feelings would sink back down but they didn’t.
And now “T-Rex” and I are talking marriage. And not just marriage, but a wedding And not just eloping, but an actual ceremony with cake and dancing. So, like the good planner and researcher I am, I started to do a little looking into this whole wedding thing. Secretly, I love watching extravagant and over the top wedding shows in my free time. With brides who turn into evil warriors covered with tulle or weddings that cost more then a four year degree at a private college. I enjoy watching the insanity from afar. And now, I am contemplating putting my toe into these dangerous waters. Just checking out a few planning websites caused me to hyperventilate. I just don’t know if I can do this, plan a wedding. And this statement comes from a woman who has planned large and small events for years. This is different, this is a statement. I have no issue with the marriage part, that causes me no fear. It is the actually event itself, causing me great panic and nightmares. I know exactly what I want, but I feel like trying to achieve it will be my greatest failure.
I want to celebrate without judgement and stress, is that even possible?