Clean Slate

Dear Butch,

Valentine’s Day gestures cannot fix a broken relationship.

Yeap, busting out a reality check without hesitation.  I will back up a bit.

I have recieved several emails over the past few weeks from Butches asking what they should do for their ladies for Valentine’s Day.  In my reply, I ask a few basic questions about the relationship: how long have you been together, what kind of relationship is it (romantic, sexual, long-term, etc.), rough budget, expectations of gifts, and providing other any information that might be of use.  What I hear in return, along with answers to my questions, is that their relationship has been rocky as of recent.

Ding ding, red flag.

If you think that being sweet to your significant other is going to fix the wrongs in your relationship or individual behavior with overpriced roses, cheap boxed candies, and a romantic candlelit dinner in a packed restaurant.  One day of hearts and Cupids will not repair hurt feelings and broken trust.

What I have been recommending is simple.  Acknowledge the holiday, face the reality.  One of the best gifts you can give to another is admittance of your wrong doings and a plan for the future.  And then because actions are strong then words, do everything you said you would or no longer do what you said you no longer would.  Keep your words without fuss or littered with excuses.  Stick to the point, listen to their reaction (even when it hurts), and stay focused on what really matters…repair and moving forward.

Happy Valentine’s Day.




One thought on “Clean Slate

  1. Dear Femme,

    If only all Femmes would say these things and let us know how they feel. When I am in a relationhsip or even a dating situation with a Lady, I find myself wanting to learn the intricacies of being her Butch, let’s face it, each woman is different and there are no universal rules on what a woman wants. I would love for her to come out and tell me things like what she needs us to be (or not be) for her, does she need my shoulder to lean on and if so then when do I stand back and let her find her own strength so as not to seem over protective or smothering, and when we argue ( which all couples do) does she need me to walk away or pull her into my arms? I don’t think anything is more important to a real Butch than the happiness of the woman she loves and that the Femme in her life knows that she is respected. I know I have spent more than one evening scratching my head, chasing my tail, and trying to figure out the right move to make. I find it is often a catch 22, if I go to her when she is upset then she needed space, yet if i initially give her space then I am uncaring. For now I remain off balance and kept on my toes by the Femme mystique!.

    Love, Butch

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