Left Hanging

Dear Butch,

There is a delicate balance of give and take that needs to happen in any relationship, romantic or platonic.  It is a rare moment that the emotional equilibrium is completely balanced between two individuals.  A good relationship should hover, for the most part somewhere comformatbly even.

Right now, there is no balance in your relationship.

You continue to take and take without a moment of reflection.  All the the praise is directly funneled to you.  Your lady raves about you to friends and compliments you continuously, yet you fail to return the favor.  You are so lost in your own head, your own life, or maybe our own ego that you fail so see how desperately she is reaching out for you.  Reaching for an ounce of appreciation or admiration back.  The glimmer of hope that you really do still love her, really do think she is the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen.  That you not only want her now, but want her forever.  That you choose to want to wake up to her every day, instead of doing it out of habit or comfort.

Something, anything.  She hangs for it.

This shouldn’t be news to you.  She has reached out, she has clearly mapped out her needs.  Yet, you trudge forth without missing a step.  You have no doubt she will always be there, that this void she is feeling is just a needy phase that she will get over.

What you don’t know is that each time you reject her advances, her heartbreaks a bit.  She starts to wonder what she has done to cause this change in your behavior.  Is it the extra ten pounds gained over the winter, or the extra hours she puts in at work.  Or maybe there is someone else, no shaking her head, it can’t be someone else.  Your lady is shedding silent tears in the shower, feeling your absence on her skin like hot needles.   She doubts and blames herself because she can’t find it in heart to pin it on you.  She keeps her feelings silent, not wanting to slip that things aren’t as perfect as they seem…that you aren’t as amazing as you seem.

Yes, every relationship has a honeymoon period.  The peak of romance and oxytocin explodes and then cools.  Form, norm, storm.  Basic group dynamics, but between two it can feel so much larger.  The echo is bigger, deafening almost, when there is less in it’s way.  She is not seeking for the old you to return, but for the new you to still want everything she has to offer.  People change and grow, together and individually.  But the you two as partners see the on going interactions of your relationship very differently.

Know that tonight, as she moves the sheets aside and presses her skin against yours, she is searching for recognition.  She seeks the love that you once provided.  She won’t ask, she just hopes.

How long are you going to let her hang?




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