Happy…Bed

Dear Butch,

(Literally putting my “Happy” theme month to bed…)

One of the smallest and greatest joys is going bed with a partner.

After a long and hard day at the office, in the classroom, or doing house work the light at the end of the tunnel is a pillow top mattress with clean crisp sheets and soft pillows.  Peeling back the sheets and blankets is like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  As you sit, finding instant relief in the comfort of the mattress, you pull the rest of your body up and on the bed while trying to let go of the toxicities of the day.  You turn and find a weary but smiling face next to you, the face that you will never stop loving.  Not only are you physically comforted, but also emotionally.

Whether you talk about your day, read silently, or fuck until the point of exhaustion; you are in your safe space.  The bed is like a grown up treehouse or a blanket fort, a place where many walk past but few can enter.  A sacred space that holds secrets, tears, and laughter.  The bed, your shared bed, is the one place in the house that only the two of you (and a third or more if that is what you both choose) should enter.

Sweet dreams and wake up simply being loved.

Love,

Femme

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Happy…Brunch

Dear Butch,

There is something so wonderful about brunch with friends.

Promises of fresh coffee and refreshing mimosas call you from your drunken slumber.  Gathering together on a Sunday morning to retell the adventures of the evneing before and hash out plans on how you are going to survive the upcoming week.  Everything seems so clear over bacon and breakfast potatoes, the light at the end of the tunnel seems closer with a fork in my hand.

Whether it be a party of two between old friends or a the whole fucking lesbian mafia squeezed together in the back corner of a patio, this is when my heart feels happy and safe.  It is where I have gone to celebrate my victories and mourned my defeats.  Where I am comfortable sharing, over sharing, or sitting in silence.  This is my green zone from the world.  It isn’t about the food or the people watching, it is about feeling at home.

For everyone who has ever joined me for lunch after a great night of sex or a horrible evening of heartbreak, thank you.

Love,

Femme

Happy…Toys

Dear Butch,

There is nothing like an early night in, snuggled into the covers, laptop fired up with your favorite porn pulled up, and a brand new sex toy in hand.

I recently got to enjoy this exquisite experience.  Like driving a new car or opening a new can of coffee, there is just something wonderful about brand new.  Knowing what to expect from experience, but the thrill of the unknown joy floating in the air.  Only good can come from this moment and it is so thrilling that you wait just one second more to fully soak in the fabulous anticipation.

And then, it happens.  The texture, the sound (or lack of), the pure ecstasy.  For me, it was a new vibe.  Playing with the settings in action opposed to in the store on the sample model gave me goose bumps.  I melted in and lost myself in orgasmic bliss.  It has been a long time since I have curled my toes like that during solo play, and curl I did until I got foot cramps.

Treat yourself t a new vibrator, dildo, anal plug, nipple clamps, lube, or other thrilling masturbatory tool.  Your naughty bits and toes will thank you.

Love,

Femme

Happy…Dresses

Dear Butch,

I had an epic interal battle with myself this weekend.  Over dresses.

I am pretty sure I have enough dresses to last me a month, easy.  I have dresses in my closest that I probably haven’t even worn.  I have an addiction to making myself as presentable as possible, with hopes to camouflage my flaws and enhance my assets.

I started to casually look for a dress for a particular event in early fall.  I am officiating my first wedding and am looking for the perfect dress.  Black or purple, fancy but not over the top.  I am part of the wedding ceremony, but not part of the wedding party.  There is no handbook for this.  I know I have a few months, but I have had to rush shop for a special event before and it always turns out horrible.  With a general idea in mind, I start looking online.  Fancy lace dresses turn into causal maxi dresses turn in to dresses that are suitable for work but can be dressed down for weekends.

Like a binge televevions watcher, I can’t seem to help myself.  One click turns into another, I am putting dresses into online carts, trying to figure out which I should buy first.  Long forgotten is the officiating dress.  In this moment of controlled chaos and shopping, I am happy.  Imagining all the events, parties, and meetings I can attend while feeling fabulous in a dress that fits me like it was made for me.

There is nothing like dreaming in fabrics.

Love,

Femme

Happy…Spring

Dear Butch,

My office window faces another building, a beautiful old brink building, but still a building.  There is one tree in my sight line, I noticed today that I could finally see little sprouts of green on the tips of the branches.  Walking into work today everything seemed gray and brown, but leaving was an explosion of green.

The sun once again feels warm on my skin and I could smell fresh cut grass.  The tulips in the park were so rich and bright.  Kids were wearing shorts and biking.  The clouds were light and fluffy like cotton balls.  Cars had their windows rolled down and the radios turned up.  I felt like I was in a dream sequence.

After a long, cold, harsh, snowy, miserable winter…I was happy to be able to unclench my body from it’s penguin like pose and breath in deeply.  I feel like a fighter and a survivor of the elements.  My reward for my gallant efforts are now here and they smell so sweet.

Time to fucking frolic to an open bar patio.

Love,

Femme

Happy…Family

Dear Butch,

I am so grateful that I have such a fabulous family, both my given and chosen family

I am surrounded by individuals who accept me as I am, encourage me to challenge myself, and celebrate my accomplishments.  There is so much laughter , support, and love around me; both in times of joy and sorrow.  I am incredibly blessed to have people in my life that stand behind me, even when the path I choose isn’t advised.

Both the family I was born into the and family I have collected through my life journey has become my safety net, cheering section, and peanut gallery.  Despite the challenges I have faced them with, through my life choices or the cards I was dealt through my DNA, I know that I am never alone.

Thank you for being my everything.

Love,

Femme

Happy…Tacos

Dear Butch,

I find great joy in the taco.

And no, I am not using it as a metaphor for vagina, get your head out of the gutter you sick bastard.

There is something magical about the combination of foods.  The sautéed veggies, savory protein of choice, spicy salsa, fresh avocado or guacamole, smooth cheese, and the crisp lettuce and tomatoes.  Yes, I just had a food-gasm.  And then it is all contained in the most perfect food vessel, the shell, whether it is corn or flour.  Sorry, not a hard shell fan here.  The flavors mix with each bit, but still stand there own ground.  Each bite is even and perfect.

And then stretch past the traditional taco to different combinations.  BBQ chicken and coleslaw tacos.  Breakfast tacos.  Leftover Thanksgiving meal tacos.  Dessert tacos.  Oh the options make me melt.

So love a taco tonight in my honor.  It will make my heart so happy.

Love,

Femme

Happy…T-Rex

Dear Butch,

I am going to start my month of “Happy” off with a bang…literally…

My T-Rex.

This month we will be celebrating two years together.  Two years of love, milestones, challenges, growth, struggles, adventures, and mind blowing sex.  I never thought I could be so in love with a single person until him.  He came back into my life when I was ready to give up on relationships all together, settling on finding happiness in a urban townhouse and a dog or two.

T-Rex has shaken every ideal and plan I thought I had when it came to a partner, and that is why I know he is the one for me.  He unearthed my type-A foundation with such power and grace that I was floored in the fabulous fashion.  He showed me that it was possible to fully love a single person without having to try and control the future.

As we grow and change as a couple, though his transition from female to male and my evolution as a lesbian now dating a man, I am constantly reminded on how blessed I have to have him as my partner.  He is solid and secure, as we guide each other equally forward into waters we never imagined.  I can only hope that I serve him with the same level of bravery and wisdom as he gives me.

To my darling T-Rex, I am so fucking in love with you.  No matter what happens, always and forever.

Love,

Femme

Bringing Joy

Dear Butch,

I have a crazy ass May coming up.  I think I am home one weekend the whole month.  On top of volunteer, work, and personal commitments I am also moving.  Could I try and fit more into thirty-one days?!?

Per usual when I think I feel like my life is spinning on the twilt-a-whirl a little to fast, I am making May a theme month.  What is the theme you may ask…(you can ask, it’s okay)…

Happiness.  Basic, feel good things that cause uncontrollable joy.  From the small every day items to the large once in a lifetime events.

Bring on the cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles, wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.  I am ready to bring on the smiles.

Love,

Femme

Your Choice

Dear Butch,

I believe that a relationship is an on going adventure in choice.

A partner, no matter the level of commitment, should make choices each day concerning you.  From waking up in your arms to falling back asleep in them, it is all a choice.  Sure, there are times where that want may be more of a “I should” rather then a “I desire”, fights and disagreements happen.  But, when that desire fades is when your relationship is in trouble.  When you find yourself forcing yourself to do things that you know will only make your partner happy and not yourself, is when it is time to ask yourself a very hard question.

Leading your partner on for the sake of comfort or convince may work for you, but will hurt them harder in the long run.  Leading someone on, especially when a relationship is well established, is one of the worst forms of  emotional cruelty.  No one likes to hurt their loved ones, but think of the damage you are doing by moving forward with doubt.

The choice is yours.

Love,

Femme